Food recipes
The Magic
The Magic
Ingredients:
Optimism
No matter what field you’re in or what circles you travel in, you know there are two
kinds of people: the “but” people and the “and” people. The “but” people are the ones
who always find the problems in whatever is being presented. But this, but that, but but
but. In contrast, the “and” people love what you say and want to build off it, creating
and inspiring togetherness rather than divisiveness. I want to be with the “and” people.
And so do you. (As I mentioned previously, when our kids were growing up, I banned
the word can’t in our house as the worst of all four-letter words.)
Why? Because optimistic people are healthier. So fill your glass up if it’s half empty.
In one study, nuns judged optimistic by their essay answers forty years prior to death
lived about eight years younger (longer and with less disability) than the nuns whose
essays were judged to reflect pessimism.
Likewise, the camaraderie of team play helps men lose weight. According to a study
from Scotland, men who took part in a weight-loss program designed specifically for
male soccer fans lost an average of twelve pounds over twelve months—and kept it off
twelve months after that. Nearly 90 percent of the original participants continued the
program to completion, and in a number of clubs, the men continued to meet up to
exercise together after the formal program ended. They loved their teams and found that
this ongoing support really helped maintain and build their motivation. These soccer
fanatics were optimistic their team would win—and that optimism about the prospect of
winning was contagious. It gave them confidence in other parts of their lives, and that
they could get healthier. They worked hand-in-hand—optimism leading to a spirit of
camaraderie and vice versa.
And remember our old pal oxytocin, the feel-good chemical that gets released when
you’re in a relationship with someone, romantic or not? Well, like we saw before, it
seems that passion in relationships can enhance oxytocin release, optimize your resolve
and motivation, and once again play a role in your Do-Over—this time, perhaps in
encouraging monogamous relationships. In a 2014 study, forty heterosexual young men
who had dated women for at least six months and described themselves as “madly in
love” underwent a test to determine what happens in the brain when they saw images of
their sweetie pies. The men were randomly assigned to inhale either oxytocin or use a
nasal spray placebo (with no chemicals in it). Stationed in a brain scanner, they were
then shown a series of photos: images of their romantic partners, as well as those of
other women they knew or did not know. The women who were “strangers” were rated
beforehand by an independent group of people to match the “objective beauty” of the
female partner. So what happened?
When men who inhaled oxytocin saw the women they loved, their brains lit up like a
Valentine’s Day fireworks show; the desire and pleasure regions of their brains
activated powerfully. By contrast, the strangers who were “equally beautiful” as their
partner evoked no such response, and female friends evoked a milder version of the
response to the romantic partner, suggesting that more oxytocin makes current partners
more desirable. Further, the study suggests that oxytocin may actually act two ways: it
makes partners more attractive at the same time that it suppresses interest in other
potential mates. Notably, the men who took the placebo did not exhibit the same release
of oxytocin when they saw their loved ones. This suggests that activities that increase
the release of oxytocin—intimate moments, kissing, hugging, shared adventures—
strengthen the relationship, making everyone optimistic.
If you’re having trouble getting going, use these four steps to see if you can kick-start
some of that optimism:
1 You guessed it! A daily walk of thirty to sixty minutes, aiming to get to your
Do-Over goal of ten thousand steps every day, no excuses. Dispelling stress
through physical activity is calming and empowering.
2 Do something special (big or small) for a friend or family member once a
week. The positive feedback will start you looking forward happily to next
week’s interaction.
3 Practice mindful meditation for fifteen minutes a day (sitting or lying quietly,
eyes closed, trying to block out all thoughts, perhaps repeating a mantra). This
can help you reframe your outlook and be more present to appreciate the
moment and all it has to offer.
4 Volunteer at a community center or charity; focus your attention on helping
make the world better for others. The rewards you reap from giving to others
are inestimable, and they can help to boost your sense of what’s possible.
Now, that’s not to say there shouldn’t be disagreements, and that we should all live
life holding hands and singing la-la-la tunes to hide our troubles. But the difference is
this: the “but” people don’t want solutions. They want to settle. They want to wade in
their misery. The “and” people find solutions to problems. They inspire others to do
their best. They contribute to the growth of people and ideas—and, ultimately, to the
health of us all.
Even if you are an avowed lifelong naysayer, the good news is you have the
opportunity to discover your inner enthusiast: once you find that purpose and passion,
your optimism levels rise, and your Do-Over becomes stronger and stronger and
stronger. In the end, optimism is really just about cultivating happiness in your
everyday, moment-to-moment life.
#5 |
Passion Is Not the Same Thing as Obsession
Just a quick note here: I don’t want you to think that having a passion means that you
have to spend nineteen hours a day doing what you love, though you certainly can. A
passion can be something you do on the weekend. A passion can be something you do a
few minutes a day. A passion can be something you do once a year. The amount of time
you spend is not our measuring stick; whether it drives you and what you feel and do in
between those times are what count. So don’t get the impression that in order to be
healthy, you have to spend every waking moment collecting bottle caps. You’ll do it
when you can, and how you can, and in whatever quantities you can—not because you
have a sense that you have to but because you’ll want to. That’s the driving force: the
quality of your time in the moments you practice your passion, and the resulting joy that
spills over into all other areas of life between those moments.
#6 |
Pass It On
Purpose allows you to go above and beyond your own selfish needs for survival. As a
species, we were designed to live long enough to ensure reproduction opportunities to
maximize the chance of humankind’s survival. Today we live long beyond that short
time frame, of course, so now it begs the question: What are we here for? I think that
part of why we’re here is to ensure the survival of the species in a different way—
beyond a purely biological standpoint. To help others. To give wisdom to others. To
inspire others. To make the world a better place for everyone, from people we care
about to people we may not even know.
I’m all for so-called selfish pursuits (as in, my squash passion does nothing for other
people), but I also think that the x factor in finding your lasting passion really involves
how much and how deeply you can change people’s lives. How can you pass along your
talents, your smarts, your love to others? You can do it by starting a walking group or
offering to be a buddy for someone who needs help. You can do it by volunteering, or
simply sharing your knowledge (or a great healthy recipe) with someone. Giving comes
in all forms, but the results are the same: selfless and soulful satisfaction. When you
make that part of the equation, I believe, your Do-Over is just about as complete as it
gets.
#7 |
When It All Comes Together, You Inspire Others
Let me tell you the story of Tawny, who at one point was a healthy young woman. All
her numbers were good, and she had a healthy weight. Things changed after going
through seven years of high stressors, including the death of a brother and sister,
becoming the sole caregiver of her elderly father, raising a teenage child who
developed a serious illness, divorce, then becoming an empty-nester, having her family
affected by the events of 9/11 . . . Any one of these would be enough to put people
through high amounts of stress (remember those major life events?), but when they’re all
together, that’s just too much for most people to reasonably handle without the
consequences of some negative health outcomes. And that’s what happened to Tawny.
She became seriously depressed and obese.
She came (really, was sent by her family) to me for help, and I got her started—
coaching her (being her buddy) on the very seven deeds I’ve outlined in this book, from
avoiding the five food felons, to journaling food choices, to reinforcing the three values
that give meaning to life (having good health, having a purpose in life, and having a life
partner to share the previous two things). In six months, Tawny lost fifty pounds and
gained back her good health. She was strong, beautiful, and her blood work was in great
shape. But guess what happened? She didn’t stop. In fact, she took the greatest step after
taking her first step. When she left my office after her first appointment, she founded a
walking club that meets every weekday morning at six o’clock to walk and talk for
seventy-five minutes. She has been doing this for more than six years.
Because of her success and what she did with her walking club, I asked her if she
wanted to join me as a coach of Enforcer eCoaching, where we coach (are buddies to)
hundreds of people. This helped her achieve deed number seven: a purpose in life. (And
in an uncanny turn of events, she met someone through her coaching, a potential investor
in the Enforcer eCoaching company, who turned out to be the person she could share her
good health and purpose with!) So she achieved not just purpose and health, but love
too. Since Tawny left eCoaching, she has been asked to coach employees of small
companies, many of whom didn’t even speak English. She worked with one team, and
over five months, the forty-seven employees lost a total of 282 pounds. She was a true
buddy and coached from experience and from the heart. She passed it along to others.
To this day, Tawny still says something that sticks with me: “Behaviors are contagious
in a community.”
This is exactly what I want you to embrace as we embark on your Do-Over. It’s not
about gritting your teeth and struggling. It’s not about being frustrated with failures. It’s
not about denying yourself things to the point where you want to rebel.
It’s about finding your purpose and using that to drive your choices. We get healthy
because health is what gets us everything else we want in life. And once we find that
out, we can’t wait to share it, pass it along, inspire others, and help people find the
same foundation for healthy living that we have.
I hope you’ve learned by now that, biologically and psychologically, a Do-Over is
about forgiving past failures. It is about your future. It is a celebration of yourself. You
have the power to change your body on the inside and out. So get on out there, love
yourself, and live your Do-Over—and then make it your mission to help someone else
live theirs.
The Plan
If you’ve gotten this far, or even if you’ve just skipped to the back of the book, you
probably already know that this whole darn book is your plan. That is, each of the seven
Do-Over deeds is a directive—an action to get your body to wellness, to high energy,
and even to forgiveness for yesteryear’s excess eggnog. All these paths lead, of course,
to a new you.
This book gives you those essential strategies to do just that: get you started on your
Do-Over by explaining why and how these seven deeds work. Follow those seven
strategies, and you’ll get your Do-Over. Simple as that.
But in my book, literally and metaphorically, a successful Do-Over is all about
preparation. In fact, preparation is really the secret to instilling good habits and
shielding you from temptations. We see it in nutrition (preparing your meals prevents
drive-thru disasters in the heat of hunger). We see it in activity (planning a walk with a
friend ensures you won’t retreat to the couch). We see it in many aspects of our health
and our life. So that’s why this seven-day plan is really the Do-Over Preparation Plan:
In just one week you build the foundation that lets you enjoy this Do-Over for your
lifetime.
It’s quite simple, actually. Every day for seven days, I’m going to give you three
tasks to accomplish. Do them, and you’ll set yourself up to rock and roll on Day 8: to
begin forming those positive habits, and to push the start button on a new approach to
how you eat, how you move, and how you’ll get your Do-Over. In addition, I’m going to
give you some of my favorite strategies that will help you get going—and keep going.
Here you’ll find lots of tips and tricks that’ll support you in your quest to stick with your
Do-Over deeds.
Best of all, it’s not that hard. Give yourself seven days to prepare, and then you’re
off! This is your Do-Over. Let’s give it a go.
The 7-Day Do-Over Preparation Plan
Day 1
1. Order or buy a pedometer, or an app or some other device that will allow you to
calculate the number of steps you take every day. You’ll see my list of options on . Take some time to investigate which type you prefer: something you can wear on
your waistband or your bra strap or something on your phone. Ask yourself whether you
need all the additional bells and whistles that may or may not come with your device.
It’s my experience that the simpler, the better. But this is an individual choice, and you
should spend a little time researching and deciding which will be best for your
technological preferences and lifestyle. As soon as you get your pedometer or device,
program it to calculate your steps (even if you get it online, try to get it delivered and on
you by day 4). They’re usually not too complicated to set up, but it may take a few
minutes to make sure it’s calibrated to your step length (as well as other variables,
depending on what factors you want to calculate). Keep it on for the rest of the day and
record how many steps you take. Set up a log on your calendar (see step 2 of day 7) to
keep track of your progress and give you the chance to take pride in your daily
accomplishments. You also can use old-fashioned paper, or a tracking app, or software
like Excel, or a service like Google docs if you want access to your log from multiple
devices.
2. Write down (and give yourself space for answers beneath) these questions:
♦ What about my health or wellness has not been going how I’d like it to?
(Sample answers: “I feel sluggish all day,” “I’m resigned about my weight,”
“My blood pressure is on an upward march,” “I feel good about where I am
but I’m looking to get to the next level.”)
♦ What do I want for myself with my health and wellness? In my wildest dreams,
what does that look like? (“I race my grandkids to the top of the hill,” “I look
forward to the thrill of exercise,” “I master the use of my knife,” “I feel at
home in my clothes again,” “I win the local 5K race,” “My neighbors beg to
come over to eat my impossibly delicious felon-free meals.”)
♦ What negative thought(s) or mantra(s) do I usually turn to when I think I’ve
failed? (“I can’t be counted on,” “I’m such a dummy,” “I’m the worst,” “It’s all
my fault,” “It’s all their fault,” “I can’t do it on my own,” “Everyone’s out to
get me,” “I’m a fat whale drowning in a sea of sadness and blubber.” And so
on.)
♦ What playful, positive, or relieving declaration(s) can I substitute for the less
fun (and less useful) ones? (“Wow, I messed up—now back to it!” “I got this,”
“I am bigger than my neural circuitry!” “My brain’s habits ain’t got nothin’ on
me,” “I’m a 10K-a-day-ninja,” “I’m the health fairy and can’t be stopped!”
And so on.)
3. Make a list of five people who can be potential buddies. These can be family
members, old friends, new friends, or online friends. Go with your gut on who you think
would be supportive and challenging at the same time. See all my criteria in chapter 1
for what makes a good buddy. Don’t contact them yet; just make a preliminary list.
Don’t worry about hurting feelings or choosing someone you “think you should.” You
need to find someone who can do this with no excess baggage involved.
Day 2
1. Buy shoes. If you don’t have running or walking shoes, purchase a quality pair. A
specialty running/walking store can help find a shoe that fits your gait and movement
patterns to help you avoid injury. You can even get fitted for them and find discounted
models online. See to see how to arrange this and what to look for.
2. Buy a knife and practice. While you are in shopping mode, buy three different kinds of
vegetables that you like—you know, squash, tomatoes, and onions. (Yes, I know
technically tomatoes are a fruit, but they function like a veggie in many dishes.)
Whatever you like. And if you don’t have a good kitchen knife, go to a kitchen store and
test chef’s knives (I describe a way to choose on ). Then buy a really high
quality one. (It is one of the five things to overpay for; the other four are a pedometer, a
heart rate monitor, cross training shoes, and a wedding ring.) If not too overpriced,
order two on the Internet: one for you and one for your buddy. Practice chopping up all
your veggies using the techniques I describe on . Then go ahead and eat your
work when you’re done. You can make a great-tasting ratatouille.
3. Food weaknesses, part one. Write down the three felonious foods you tend to splurge
on. Don’t do anything with them. (Especially don’t eat them!) Just write them down.
Day 3
1. Quiz yourself. Take this nutrition label quiz. Look at the label on . Identify
five things that indicate that this isn’t the healthiest product around. (Answers on .) This test will help make sure you’ve brushed up on nutritional guidelines so that
when you’re ready to shop for your everyday foods, you know how to avoid the five
food felons and focus on healthy ingredients.
2. Food weaknesses, part two. Remember your list of food weaknesses? Next to each
one of them, write down one thing that you can do to substitute eating them if you feel a
binge coming on. It can be substituting a healthy or spicy food like roasted asparagus for
French fries, or munching celery stalks with pure ground peanut butter instead of chips
(the peanut butter should be a one ingredient item: peanuts only, or at most, peanuts and
salt). Instead of a food substitution, you can also choose an active behavior such as
stretching or walking. It can be anything. The key here is that you want to come up with
contingency plans. Once that plan is in place, it’s much easier to avoid temptation
knowing that you have an alternative.
3. Make a shopping list and dump the pantry. Write down the healthy foods that you’ll
want to keep in your house—and ones that you’ll need to prepare upcoming meals. (See
some ideas on pages 304 and 309.) And before you go shopping (see item 1 on day 6),
dump out and never replace foods from your pantry and fridge that have any of the five
food felons as one of the first five ingredients. Depending on your pantry, this may be a
real undertaking, so budget yourself at least an hour to scan labels and make sure you
catch even the sneakiest of felons. You will have to keep some healthy foods (or even
some unhealthy ones) around, otherwise you may run out of food in the next three days
(before you have time allocated for food shopping—see item 1 on day 6).
Day 4
1. Get a calendar that works for you. Whether you’ve never used a calendar, you’re a
die-hard smartphone scheduler, or you like to use old-fashioned date books, the goal is
minimally to empty out some of the frenzied to-do lists we cycle through in our brains
and store them in an external support tool. Choose a calendar you will visit on a daily
basis and then actually use it (this is critical!) to navigate your days. Now take out that
calendar and make an appointment to do something that you’re passionate about. That’s
right. Put it in your calendar. I don’t care if it’s a week from now, tomorrow, or in a
month. But I want you to block off time for something—anything!—that you want to do.
No questions asked from anybody else. Be selfish. Take some “me” time. If it involves
other people, that’s okay; take the lead to coordinate schedules and get a date on the
calendar. (If you don’t know what it is that you’re passionate about, then do this
assignment: Make a list of five things you’d like to try. Pick one—perhaps the easiest
one to try out—and make a date and time to try it. Ask a friend or family member to join
you, if you like.)
2. Using the criteria for choosing the ideal buddy I listed on , go ahead and pick
your buddy, as well as one back-up buddy. Contact your first choice, tell him or her
your plans, your goals, and that you’d like to have a partnership in which you’re
checking in with each other (even just minimally) every day. Tell your buddy all the
reasons why she is special to you—and why you think she’s the one who can help you.
3. Aim to do thirty squats (see for technique) throughout the day. You can set
an alarm and do three an hour every hour you are awake from eight in the morning until
six in the evening. Get your body used to the fact that you’ll be doing some strength
training. You can even bang out a few while cooking.
Day 5
1. Solve the problem(s). Make a list of five things or issues that have nagged you for the
last six months. These are not daily stresses and deadlines but things that have been
hanging over your head that you have not been able to find solutions for, or that you just
haven’t scheduled the time to resolve. Next to each, write down possible solutions and
what you would need to do to help solve them. Prioritize which ones you can handle
first and then (again, this is critical) put a date in your calendar by when you will have
resolved them. You do not need to solve the problems today. (I know these are not that
easy.) Your goal for today is to think of strategies that will help you solve them,
schedule in time to handle them, and set yourself up to successfully chip away at those
nagging stresses.
2. Identify any parts of your life that feel unorganized: could be a closet, could be the de
facto Post-it note calendar you’ve scattered throughout the house, could be bills or bank
statements you’ve ignored for three months. Devote an hour to one area and clean it up.
An organized life calms your mind and allows you to think clearly about what you need
to do to get healthy. If your unorganized areas require more than an hour of attention,
simply make another appointment with yourself to tackle and complete them.
3. Share some warm fuzzies. Do something nice—and unexpected—for your spouse or
partner. Be creative. Do it “just because.” If your relationship needs healing or work,
this is a simple step in that direction. Have fun and be vulnerable: you can even ask
what would be nice for them, what would make a difference to their day. If your
relationship is already more fiery than a pizza oven, then, well, something else might
just be part of today’s to-do list. If you are single, simply do something nice for yourself
or someone you care about.
Day 6
1. Go food shopping. Budget enough time to food shop for all the healthy foods and
spices in the list you made on day 3. Make sure you leave the store with plenty of fruits
and veggies and all the ingredients you need to prepare dinner tonight.
2. Prepare to cook your version of the ideal healthy meal for dinner tonight. While at the
store, shop for it. It may take some time to experiment to find your favorites, but the
purpose of trying out new recipes is for you to be able to have a meal or two or three
that you can always turn to—something that’s easy, quick, healthy, and tasty. Maybe it’s
grilled fish, steamed broccoli (drizzled with some red pepper flakes or spicy Sriracha
sauce), and a few slices of avocado. Or maybe it’s grilled chicken, roasted asparagus
(with balsamic vinegar), and some quinoa. Mix and match how you like with a lean
protein, a vegetable, healthy fat, and if you like, a 100 percent whole grain. Take some
time to think about what will work for your tastes—and that of your family—so that this
healthy meal (and some variations) becomes a family staple. After dinner, ask what the
family thinks, and consider adjustments you can make in the future. The more of these
ready-to-go meals you can prepare, the less likely you are to fall into the trap of
unhealthy options.
3. Stretch for five minutes, just to give yourself a moment to relax, to breathe, to feel
what it’s like to allow your muscles to stretch and lengthen. This may or may not
become one of your go-to stress-relieving techniques, but I really want you to feel what
it’s like to slow down for a moment and give your body some much-needed
rejuvenation. The three I would recommend:
♦ Touch your toes. If you can’t touch your toes yet, hold onto the back of your legs
or calves. Bend down and hold yourself in a deep stretch. This opens up your
hamstrings and back, which get tight from sitting. Do for one minute.
♦ Lie on your back and pull one knee to your chest. This opens up your hips,
which are notoriously tight for so many. Switch sides. Do for one minute on
each side.
♦ Stand against a wall, with one arm flat against it and behind you so that your
arm is parallel to the floor. Rotate your body so you feel a stretch in your
chest. This will open up your chest and help improve posture. Do for one
minute on each side.
Day 7
1. Make a mantra. Remember task two from day 1? Return to your brainstorm and
choose or create a favorite positive mantra; a few words that mean something to you,
that show your resolve, that define what your mission is. It can be something simple like
“Be bold” or “Relentless forward motion” or “Don’t give up” or any few words that
always seem to get you going. Use it when you need a push, some inspiration, or just a
little more mojo to stay the course. It may be simple, but a few words that are yours can
do wonders when you need them the most.
2. Up your steps. Gradually increase your steps by never doing fewer today than you did
yesterday till you hit ten thousand a day, and then never go below ten thousand. Do not
advance too fast: on your first day of walking keep track of the number of steps you take
in a typical day. Never increase by more than five hundred steps a day, no matter how
good you feel. And never advance by more than 1,500 for any day week over week (so
on any day next week, your steps should never be more than 1,500 steps greater than the
maximum you took any day this week), no matter how good you feel or how much you
want to challenge yourself.
3. Call, text, or email your buddy with this message: “You ready? I am.” When your
buddy responds, start emailing or calling him or her at the end of every day with your
food choices and your step number. If your buddy doesn’t respond after two emails,
select another buddy.
The Do-Over Deeds: Day 8 and Beyond
Community: Build a buddy system and contact your buddy every
day, no excuses.
Activity: Walk ten thousand steps a day, no excuses, and do
resistance exercises twice a week.
Ingredients:
Optimism
No matter what field you’re in or what circles you travel in, you know there are two
kinds of people: the “but” people and the “and” people. The “but” people are the ones
who always find the problems in whatever is being presented. But this, but that, but but
but. In contrast, the “and” people love what you say and want to build off it, creating
and inspiring togetherness rather than divisiveness. I want to be with the “and” people.
And so do you. (As I mentioned previously, when our kids were growing up, I banned
the word can’t in our house as the worst of all four-letter words.)
Why? Because optimistic people are healthier. So fill your glass up if it’s half empty.
In one study, nuns judged optimistic by their essay answers forty years prior to death
lived about eight years younger (longer and with less disability) than the nuns whose
essays were judged to reflect pessimism.
Likewise, the camaraderie of team play helps men lose weight. According to a study
from Scotland, men who took part in a weight-loss program designed specifically for
male soccer fans lost an average of twelve pounds over twelve months—and kept it off
twelve months after that. Nearly 90 percent of the original participants continued the
program to completion, and in a number of clubs, the men continued to meet up to
exercise together after the formal program ended. They loved their teams and found that
this ongoing support really helped maintain and build their motivation. These soccer
fanatics were optimistic their team would win—and that optimism about the prospect of
winning was contagious. It gave them confidence in other parts of their lives, and that
they could get healthier. They worked hand-in-hand—optimism leading to a spirit of
camaraderie and vice versa.
And remember our old pal oxytocin, the feel-good chemical that gets released when
you’re in a relationship with someone, romantic or not? Well, like we saw before, it
seems that passion in relationships can enhance oxytocin release, optimize your resolve
and motivation, and once again play a role in your Do-Over—this time, perhaps in
encouraging monogamous relationships. In a 2014 study, forty heterosexual young men
who had dated women for at least six months and described themselves as “madly in
love” underwent a test to determine what happens in the brain when they saw images of
their sweetie pies. The men were randomly assigned to inhale either oxytocin or use a
nasal spray placebo (with no chemicals in it). Stationed in a brain scanner, they were
then shown a series of photos: images of their romantic partners, as well as those of
other women they knew or did not know. The women who were “strangers” were rated
beforehand by an independent group of people to match the “objective beauty” of the
female partner. So what happened?
When men who inhaled oxytocin saw the women they loved, their brains lit up like a
Valentine’s Day fireworks show; the desire and pleasure regions of their brains
activated powerfully. By contrast, the strangers who were “equally beautiful” as their
partner evoked no such response, and female friends evoked a milder version of the
response to the romantic partner, suggesting that more oxytocin makes current partners
more desirable. Further, the study suggests that oxytocin may actually act two ways: it
makes partners more attractive at the same time that it suppresses interest in other
potential mates. Notably, the men who took the placebo did not exhibit the same release
of oxytocin when they saw their loved ones. This suggests that activities that increase
the release of oxytocin—intimate moments, kissing, hugging, shared adventures—
strengthen the relationship, making everyone optimistic.
If you’re having trouble getting going, use these four steps to see if you can kick-start
some of that optimism:
1 You guessed it! A daily walk of thirty to sixty minutes, aiming to get to your
Do-Over goal of ten thousand steps every day, no excuses. Dispelling stress
through physical activity is calming and empowering.
2 Do something special (big or small) for a friend or family member once a
week. The positive feedback will start you looking forward happily to next
week’s interaction.
3 Practice mindful meditation for fifteen minutes a day (sitting or lying quietly,
eyes closed, trying to block out all thoughts, perhaps repeating a mantra). This
can help you reframe your outlook and be more present to appreciate the
moment and all it has to offer.
4 Volunteer at a community center or charity; focus your attention on helping
make the world better for others. The rewards you reap from giving to others
are inestimable, and they can help to boost your sense of what’s possible.
Now, that’s not to say there shouldn’t be disagreements, and that we should all live
life holding hands and singing la-la-la tunes to hide our troubles. But the difference is
this: the “but” people don’t want solutions. They want to settle. They want to wade in
their misery. The “and” people find solutions to problems. They inspire others to do
their best. They contribute to the growth of people and ideas—and, ultimately, to the
health of us all.
Even if you are an avowed lifelong naysayer, the good news is you have the
opportunity to discover your inner enthusiast: once you find that purpose and passion,
your optimism levels rise, and your Do-Over becomes stronger and stronger and
stronger. In the end, optimism is really just about cultivating happiness in your
everyday, moment-to-moment life.
#5 |
Passion Is Not the Same Thing as Obsession
Just a quick note here: I don’t want you to think that having a passion means that you
have to spend nineteen hours a day doing what you love, though you certainly can. A
passion can be something you do on the weekend. A passion can be something you do a
few minutes a day. A passion can be something you do once a year. The amount of time
you spend is not our measuring stick; whether it drives you and what you feel and do in
between those times are what count. So don’t get the impression that in order to be
healthy, you have to spend every waking moment collecting bottle caps. You’ll do it
when you can, and how you can, and in whatever quantities you can—not because you
have a sense that you have to but because you’ll want to. That’s the driving force: the
quality of your time in the moments you practice your passion, and the resulting joy that
spills over into all other areas of life between those moments.
#6 |
Pass It On
Purpose allows you to go above and beyond your own selfish needs for survival. As a
species, we were designed to live long enough to ensure reproduction opportunities to
maximize the chance of humankind’s survival. Today we live long beyond that short
time frame, of course, so now it begs the question: What are we here for? I think that
part of why we’re here is to ensure the survival of the species in a different way—
beyond a purely biological standpoint. To help others. To give wisdom to others. To
inspire others. To make the world a better place for everyone, from people we care
about to people we may not even know.
I’m all for so-called selfish pursuits (as in, my squash passion does nothing for other
people), but I also think that the x factor in finding your lasting passion really involves
how much and how deeply you can change people’s lives. How can you pass along your
talents, your smarts, your love to others? You can do it by starting a walking group or
offering to be a buddy for someone who needs help. You can do it by volunteering, or
simply sharing your knowledge (or a great healthy recipe) with someone. Giving comes
in all forms, but the results are the same: selfless and soulful satisfaction. When you
make that part of the equation, I believe, your Do-Over is just about as complete as it
gets.
#7 |
When It All Comes Together, You Inspire Others
Let me tell you the story of Tawny, who at one point was a healthy young woman. All
her numbers were good, and she had a healthy weight. Things changed after going
through seven years of high stressors, including the death of a brother and sister,
becoming the sole caregiver of her elderly father, raising a teenage child who
developed a serious illness, divorce, then becoming an empty-nester, having her family
affected by the events of 9/11 . . . Any one of these would be enough to put people
through high amounts of stress (remember those major life events?), but when they’re all
together, that’s just too much for most people to reasonably handle without the
consequences of some negative health outcomes. And that’s what happened to Tawny.
She became seriously depressed and obese.
She came (really, was sent by her family) to me for help, and I got her started—
coaching her (being her buddy) on the very seven deeds I’ve outlined in this book, from
avoiding the five food felons, to journaling food choices, to reinforcing the three values
that give meaning to life (having good health, having a purpose in life, and having a life
partner to share the previous two things). In six months, Tawny lost fifty pounds and
gained back her good health. She was strong, beautiful, and her blood work was in great
shape. But guess what happened? She didn’t stop. In fact, she took the greatest step after
taking her first step. When she left my office after her first appointment, she founded a
walking club that meets every weekday morning at six o’clock to walk and talk for
seventy-five minutes. She has been doing this for more than six years.
Because of her success and what she did with her walking club, I asked her if she
wanted to join me as a coach of Enforcer eCoaching, where we coach (are buddies to)
hundreds of people. This helped her achieve deed number seven: a purpose in life. (And
in an uncanny turn of events, she met someone through her coaching, a potential investor
in the Enforcer eCoaching company, who turned out to be the person she could share her
good health and purpose with!) So she achieved not just purpose and health, but love
too. Since Tawny left eCoaching, she has been asked to coach employees of small
companies, many of whom didn’t even speak English. She worked with one team, and
over five months, the forty-seven employees lost a total of 282 pounds. She was a true
buddy and coached from experience and from the heart. She passed it along to others.
To this day, Tawny still says something that sticks with me: “Behaviors are contagious
in a community.”
This is exactly what I want you to embrace as we embark on your Do-Over. It’s not
about gritting your teeth and struggling. It’s not about being frustrated with failures. It’s
not about denying yourself things to the point where you want to rebel.
It’s about finding your purpose and using that to drive your choices. We get healthy
because health is what gets us everything else we want in life. And once we find that
out, we can’t wait to share it, pass it along, inspire others, and help people find the
same foundation for healthy living that we have.
I hope you’ve learned by now that, biologically and psychologically, a Do-Over is
about forgiving past failures. It is about your future. It is a celebration of yourself. You
have the power to change your body on the inside and out. So get on out there, love
yourself, and live your Do-Over—and then make it your mission to help someone else
live theirs.
The Plan
If you’ve gotten this far, or even if you’ve just skipped to the back of the book, you
probably already know that this whole darn book is your plan. That is, each of the seven
Do-Over deeds is a directive—an action to get your body to wellness, to high energy,
and even to forgiveness for yesteryear’s excess eggnog. All these paths lead, of course,
to a new you.
This book gives you those essential strategies to do just that: get you started on your
Do-Over by explaining why and how these seven deeds work. Follow those seven
strategies, and you’ll get your Do-Over. Simple as that.
But in my book, literally and metaphorically, a successful Do-Over is all about
preparation. In fact, preparation is really the secret to instilling good habits and
shielding you from temptations. We see it in nutrition (preparing your meals prevents
drive-thru disasters in the heat of hunger). We see it in activity (planning a walk with a
friend ensures you won’t retreat to the couch). We see it in many aspects of our health
and our life. So that’s why this seven-day plan is really the Do-Over Preparation Plan:
In just one week you build the foundation that lets you enjoy this Do-Over for your
lifetime.
It’s quite simple, actually. Every day for seven days, I’m going to give you three
tasks to accomplish. Do them, and you’ll set yourself up to rock and roll on Day 8: to
begin forming those positive habits, and to push the start button on a new approach to
how you eat, how you move, and how you’ll get your Do-Over. In addition, I’m going to
give you some of my favorite strategies that will help you get going—and keep going.
Here you’ll find lots of tips and tricks that’ll support you in your quest to stick with your
Do-Over deeds.
Best of all, it’s not that hard. Give yourself seven days to prepare, and then you’re
off! This is your Do-Over. Let’s give it a go.
The 7-Day Do-Over Preparation Plan
Day 1
1. Order or buy a pedometer, or an app or some other device that will allow you to
calculate the number of steps you take every day. You’ll see my list of options on . Take some time to investigate which type you prefer: something you can wear on
your waistband or your bra strap or something on your phone. Ask yourself whether you
need all the additional bells and whistles that may or may not come with your device.
It’s my experience that the simpler, the better. But this is an individual choice, and you
should spend a little time researching and deciding which will be best for your
technological preferences and lifestyle. As soon as you get your pedometer or device,
program it to calculate your steps (even if you get it online, try to get it delivered and on
you by day 4). They’re usually not too complicated to set up, but it may take a few
minutes to make sure it’s calibrated to your step length (as well as other variables,
depending on what factors you want to calculate). Keep it on for the rest of the day and
record how many steps you take. Set up a log on your calendar (see step 2 of day 7) to
keep track of your progress and give you the chance to take pride in your daily
accomplishments. You also can use old-fashioned paper, or a tracking app, or software
like Excel, or a service like Google docs if you want access to your log from multiple
devices.
2. Write down (and give yourself space for answers beneath) these questions:
♦ What about my health or wellness has not been going how I’d like it to?
(Sample answers: “I feel sluggish all day,” “I’m resigned about my weight,”
“My blood pressure is on an upward march,” “I feel good about where I am
but I’m looking to get to the next level.”)
♦ What do I want for myself with my health and wellness? In my wildest dreams,
what does that look like? (“I race my grandkids to the top of the hill,” “I look
forward to the thrill of exercise,” “I master the use of my knife,” “I feel at
home in my clothes again,” “I win the local 5K race,” “My neighbors beg to
come over to eat my impossibly delicious felon-free meals.”)
♦ What negative thought(s) or mantra(s) do I usually turn to when I think I’ve
failed? (“I can’t be counted on,” “I’m such a dummy,” “I’m the worst,” “It’s all
my fault,” “It’s all their fault,” “I can’t do it on my own,” “Everyone’s out to
get me,” “I’m a fat whale drowning in a sea of sadness and blubber.” And so
on.)
♦ What playful, positive, or relieving declaration(s) can I substitute for the less
fun (and less useful) ones? (“Wow, I messed up—now back to it!” “I got this,”
“I am bigger than my neural circuitry!” “My brain’s habits ain’t got nothin’ on
me,” “I’m a 10K-a-day-ninja,” “I’m the health fairy and can’t be stopped!”
And so on.)
3. Make a list of five people who can be potential buddies. These can be family
members, old friends, new friends, or online friends. Go with your gut on who you think
would be supportive and challenging at the same time. See all my criteria in chapter 1
for what makes a good buddy. Don’t contact them yet; just make a preliminary list.
Don’t worry about hurting feelings or choosing someone you “think you should.” You
need to find someone who can do this with no excess baggage involved.
Day 2
1. Buy shoes. If you don’t have running or walking shoes, purchase a quality pair. A
specialty running/walking store can help find a shoe that fits your gait and movement
patterns to help you avoid injury. You can even get fitted for them and find discounted
models online. See to see how to arrange this and what to look for.
2. Buy a knife and practice. While you are in shopping mode, buy three different kinds of
vegetables that you like—you know, squash, tomatoes, and onions. (Yes, I know
technically tomatoes are a fruit, but they function like a veggie in many dishes.)
Whatever you like. And if you don’t have a good kitchen knife, go to a kitchen store and
test chef’s knives (I describe a way to choose on ). Then buy a really high
quality one. (It is one of the five things to overpay for; the other four are a pedometer, a
heart rate monitor, cross training shoes, and a wedding ring.) If not too overpriced,
order two on the Internet: one for you and one for your buddy. Practice chopping up all
your veggies using the techniques I describe on . Then go ahead and eat your
work when you’re done. You can make a great-tasting ratatouille.
3. Food weaknesses, part one. Write down the three felonious foods you tend to splurge
on. Don’t do anything with them. (Especially don’t eat them!) Just write them down.
Day 3
1. Quiz yourself. Take this nutrition label quiz. Look at the label on . Identify
five things that indicate that this isn’t the healthiest product around. (Answers on .) This test will help make sure you’ve brushed up on nutritional guidelines so that
when you’re ready to shop for your everyday foods, you know how to avoid the five
food felons and focus on healthy ingredients.
2. Food weaknesses, part two. Remember your list of food weaknesses? Next to each
one of them, write down one thing that you can do to substitute eating them if you feel a
binge coming on. It can be substituting a healthy or spicy food like roasted asparagus for
French fries, or munching celery stalks with pure ground peanut butter instead of chips
(the peanut butter should be a one ingredient item: peanuts only, or at most, peanuts and
salt). Instead of a food substitution, you can also choose an active behavior such as
stretching or walking. It can be anything. The key here is that you want to come up with
contingency plans. Once that plan is in place, it’s much easier to avoid temptation
knowing that you have an alternative.
3. Make a shopping list and dump the pantry. Write down the healthy foods that you’ll
want to keep in your house—and ones that you’ll need to prepare upcoming meals. (See
some ideas on pages 304 and 309.) And before you go shopping (see item 1 on day 6),
dump out and never replace foods from your pantry and fridge that have any of the five
food felons as one of the first five ingredients. Depending on your pantry, this may be a
real undertaking, so budget yourself at least an hour to scan labels and make sure you
catch even the sneakiest of felons. You will have to keep some healthy foods (or even
some unhealthy ones) around, otherwise you may run out of food in the next three days
(before you have time allocated for food shopping—see item 1 on day 6).
Day 4
1. Get a calendar that works for you. Whether you’ve never used a calendar, you’re a
die-hard smartphone scheduler, or you like to use old-fashioned date books, the goal is
minimally to empty out some of the frenzied to-do lists we cycle through in our brains
and store them in an external support tool. Choose a calendar you will visit on a daily
basis and then actually use it (this is critical!) to navigate your days. Now take out that
calendar and make an appointment to do something that you’re passionate about. That’s
right. Put it in your calendar. I don’t care if it’s a week from now, tomorrow, or in a
month. But I want you to block off time for something—anything!—that you want to do.
No questions asked from anybody else. Be selfish. Take some “me” time. If it involves
other people, that’s okay; take the lead to coordinate schedules and get a date on the
calendar. (If you don’t know what it is that you’re passionate about, then do this
assignment: Make a list of five things you’d like to try. Pick one—perhaps the easiest
one to try out—and make a date and time to try it. Ask a friend or family member to join
you, if you like.)
2. Using the criteria for choosing the ideal buddy I listed on , go ahead and pick
your buddy, as well as one back-up buddy. Contact your first choice, tell him or her
your plans, your goals, and that you’d like to have a partnership in which you’re
checking in with each other (even just minimally) every day. Tell your buddy all the
reasons why she is special to you—and why you think she’s the one who can help you.
3. Aim to do thirty squats (see for technique) throughout the day. You can set
an alarm and do three an hour every hour you are awake from eight in the morning until
six in the evening. Get your body used to the fact that you’ll be doing some strength
training. You can even bang out a few while cooking.
Day 5
1. Solve the problem(s). Make a list of five things or issues that have nagged you for the
last six months. These are not daily stresses and deadlines but things that have been
hanging over your head that you have not been able to find solutions for, or that you just
haven’t scheduled the time to resolve. Next to each, write down possible solutions and
what you would need to do to help solve them. Prioritize which ones you can handle
first and then (again, this is critical) put a date in your calendar by when you will have
resolved them. You do not need to solve the problems today. (I know these are not that
easy.) Your goal for today is to think of strategies that will help you solve them,
schedule in time to handle them, and set yourself up to successfully chip away at those
nagging stresses.
2. Identify any parts of your life that feel unorganized: could be a closet, could be the de
facto Post-it note calendar you’ve scattered throughout the house, could be bills or bank
statements you’ve ignored for three months. Devote an hour to one area and clean it up.
An organized life calms your mind and allows you to think clearly about what you need
to do to get healthy. If your unorganized areas require more than an hour of attention,
simply make another appointment with yourself to tackle and complete them.
3. Share some warm fuzzies. Do something nice—and unexpected—for your spouse or
partner. Be creative. Do it “just because.” If your relationship needs healing or work,
this is a simple step in that direction. Have fun and be vulnerable: you can even ask
what would be nice for them, what would make a difference to their day. If your
relationship is already more fiery than a pizza oven, then, well, something else might
just be part of today’s to-do list. If you are single, simply do something nice for yourself
or someone you care about.
Day 6
1. Go food shopping. Budget enough time to food shop for all the healthy foods and
spices in the list you made on day 3. Make sure you leave the store with plenty of fruits
and veggies and all the ingredients you need to prepare dinner tonight.
2. Prepare to cook your version of the ideal healthy meal for dinner tonight. While at the
store, shop for it. It may take some time to experiment to find your favorites, but the
purpose of trying out new recipes is for you to be able to have a meal or two or three
that you can always turn to—something that’s easy, quick, healthy, and tasty. Maybe it’s
grilled fish, steamed broccoli (drizzled with some red pepper flakes or spicy Sriracha
sauce), and a few slices of avocado. Or maybe it’s grilled chicken, roasted asparagus
(with balsamic vinegar), and some quinoa. Mix and match how you like with a lean
protein, a vegetable, healthy fat, and if you like, a 100 percent whole grain. Take some
time to think about what will work for your tastes—and that of your family—so that this
healthy meal (and some variations) becomes a family staple. After dinner, ask what the
family thinks, and consider adjustments you can make in the future. The more of these
ready-to-go meals you can prepare, the less likely you are to fall into the trap of
unhealthy options.
3. Stretch for five minutes, just to give yourself a moment to relax, to breathe, to feel
what it’s like to allow your muscles to stretch and lengthen. This may or may not
become one of your go-to stress-relieving techniques, but I really want you to feel what
it’s like to slow down for a moment and give your body some much-needed
rejuvenation. The three I would recommend:
♦ Touch your toes. If you can’t touch your toes yet, hold onto the back of your legs
or calves. Bend down and hold yourself in a deep stretch. This opens up your
hamstrings and back, which get tight from sitting. Do for one minute.
♦ Lie on your back and pull one knee to your chest. This opens up your hips,
which are notoriously tight for so many. Switch sides. Do for one minute on
each side.
♦ Stand against a wall, with one arm flat against it and behind you so that your
arm is parallel to the floor. Rotate your body so you feel a stretch in your
chest. This will open up your chest and help improve posture. Do for one
minute on each side.
Day 7
1. Make a mantra. Remember task two from day 1? Return to your brainstorm and
choose or create a favorite positive mantra; a few words that mean something to you,
that show your resolve, that define what your mission is. It can be something simple like
“Be bold” or “Relentless forward motion” or “Don’t give up” or any few words that
always seem to get you going. Use it when you need a push, some inspiration, or just a
little more mojo to stay the course. It may be simple, but a few words that are yours can
do wonders when you need them the most.
2. Up your steps. Gradually increase your steps by never doing fewer today than you did
yesterday till you hit ten thousand a day, and then never go below ten thousand. Do not
advance too fast: on your first day of walking keep track of the number of steps you take
in a typical day. Never increase by more than five hundred steps a day, no matter how
good you feel. And never advance by more than 1,500 for any day week over week (so
on any day next week, your steps should never be more than 1,500 steps greater than the
maximum you took any day this week), no matter how good you feel or how much you
want to challenge yourself.
3. Call, text, or email your buddy with this message: “You ready? I am.” When your
buddy responds, start emailing or calling him or her at the end of every day with your
food choices and your step number. If your buddy doesn’t respond after two emails,
select another buddy.
The Do-Over Deeds: Day 8 and Beyond
Community: Build a buddy system and contact your buddy every
day, no excuses.
Activity: Walk ten thousand steps a day, no excuses, and do
resistance exercises twice a week.
Printed from https://recipe.bluelayer.org/recipe/71013/the-magic